Mood:
spaceyDRAMA! It's all around me. But i guess that's just the whole highschool experience right? What would highschool be with out the drama, tears and heartbreak? I'm making this site basically for an outlet. Something completely anonymous where i feel free to basically bare my soul without repercussion. I don't expect many will read this and well, that's kinda the point. I think it's more comforting just knowing that it's out there. And maybe, just maybe there'll be somebody that knows and understand where i'm comming from. I hope that if this is you that you talk to me, or at least take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. That is after all our ultimate goal in life right? to find happiness and know that we are not alone in the world. Happiness...that's a subject onto itself that i don't have nearly the energy to tackle at the moment. It is however elusive, something i strive for, and am not anywhere near attaining.
So this was supposed to be my introduction blog. Me telling you a little bit about myself. Well hello world. I am me. deal with it. I pride myself with having a brain and always thinking for myself. One of my good friends told me that i will always be happy because i don't try to please other people. He is right in a way, i am not sombody that tries to constantly please other people, but i don't feel happy. And i feel stupid saying that because it's already been mentioned but i feel the need to mention it again. It's sounds emo though doesn't it? Emotional, my life sucks, i'm going to go and kill myself now, you should feel sorry for me. boo hoo! totally not the vibe i was going for. But it is a fact. Happiness is not what i am at this stage in my life.
My Ex-boyfriend/friend with benefits/the guy who basically dumped me for god but that i still have sex with/my soon to be boyfriend again (hopefully!) has said that i am a rarity. I am a girl with a brain, unaffected by media and tabloids. And yet i have another side of me. The cosmoplitan, flirty party-girl side of me as well which he is also in love with. I am a different person depending on the croud i am with. Is that completely hypocritical? or does it even matter?
Croud. Alone in a croud. I feel lonely. My story is long. My walls are high, begging desperately for somebody to tear them down. I'd like to think myself complex, and yet i am usually a simpleton. How i wish i could be a kindred spirit. Wise beoyond my years yet i know i am not.
Let's get physical. I'm five foot two inches tall. I'm seventeen and i'm female. I weigh the same thing i've weighed since grade seven, 132 pounds and it never changes. I have acne, but i hope that's not what people notice first. and yes...i wash my face and i've tried everything out there. Don't suggest something i'm tired. It's something i've dealt with and that doesn't particularily bother me at all anymore...usually.I have brown eyes and brown layered hair that just kinda does it's own thing and just kinda works for me. It drieves my sort've not really boyfriend CRAZY when i play with it and i love that. Another feature he loves is the fact that i have an ASS. No, i don't mean a bum, a bottom or a behind. I have a serious black booty! it's round and big! and i'm cool with it:). It is however supported by two large thighs which would most definitely be the one part of my body that i am extremely self concious about. i just don't like them! meh...we all have our things right?
I live in a small norhtern, retirement town in ontario canada. pretty boring here i must say. Most of the youth sit around and get drunk and high for entertainment cause there really isn't anything else to do. i try to avoid it most of the time, because most of the time it isn't my scene. Sometiems it is, and trust me, i have my fair share of drinking stories, but that's for another day my friends.
Okay that about sums it up for tonight. Maybe i'll tell you another day why tonight was so drama filled. Maybe that'll be tomorrows entertainment. Who knows? maybe by tomrrow i will have completely forgotten about this site. Who knows? But for tonight i bid you all adieu. Oh and you know that guy you really love, tonight give him an extra kiss, cause you never know when it could be your last....
